Where's Mavis? / Captain's Blog 06.01.10

'Scientists have discovered the footprints of the first fish that walked on land.'

No. No they haven't.

Let's ignore my complete disbelief that a footprint can be identifiable millions of years after it was made, because I'm sure those fancy pants scientists in the big city have some ever-so-smart explanation for how something this unlikely could happen, it's still a ridiculous statement to make on the national serious news show.

First up, it's not a footprint, it's a finprint if anything. Second, and more importantly, let's think about this. You're a fish, you've spent all your life swimming round in salty water chasing smaller fish and avoiding bigger fish, as your parents did, as their parents did. This one morning, probably a Thursday, you take to looking at the sloped and muddy shore and thinking 'I wonder what's up there?'. You ponder for a while, absentmindedly chomping at anything that swims past your lips, not really paying full attention to the days hunt, while you dream of what wonders lie up the muddy ramp. Eventually, you go for it, you tense your fins up ready for the effort and launch yourself at the waters edge. A struggle ensues, you slip a few times, get a big lump of something unpleasant stuck up your left nostril, but eventually you make it up, out of the water, into the air, into the new world, the thing you'd only ever heard legend of before.. dry land.

What's the first thing you do? You want someone to see what you just did, what you just found, you want credit for this. You turn round, open your pouty little mouth and yell "Oi, Fred, you'll never guess what's up here? Rocks and shit!"

And Fred will understandably come flomping up the verge the same way you did, distorting your finprint with his clumsy fat limbs and stubby snout. Then comes Pete, and Jessica, and Norma, and the whole damn gang. Within an hour of the first impression all there is on the bank is a sludgy mess of prints that not even a mother could recognise, let alone some boffin a billion years later.

They haven't found a footprint of the first ever land walking fish, they've found the mark that was made when they dropped their cagoule the day before.

Yes.

Another good one last night, which I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting, a week after the new year, term not yet started, frozen rain falling from the sky, all friction banished from our lives, I thought it might be just us chickens sat their, playing music to ourselves.

But you guys did us proud, braved it all and filled the place up, you even kept dancing when it all got a bit ridiculous in the last hour, bravo to you people, bravo indeed.

Same again next week?

Oh, we're going to keep all 3 rooms open every week now, we quite like that top floor room, it's comfy, but we won't necessarily be doing the same thing in it every week, it's up to you guys really. What do you want? What's missing from your Mavis experience at the moment? What can we do, to make you happy?

Tell us, we like to know.

Have a great week, walk careful and build snow sculptures at every opportunity. x